For some this may come as a shock, but I am not anti-spanking. You might be thinking, “Hey what is the catch?” or “Hey, what is your angle.” And to be honest there really is no angle or catch.
I am just not anti -spanking I am pro peaceful parenting. I choose rather to focus on the positive affirmation rather than the negative. Also many who call themselves anti spanking focus so much on stopping something. I am here to focus on replacing current practices and paradigms. To not shove it down your throat, but to gently ever so gently bring you to a better understanding.
What is there to not like about peaceful parenting? It sounds so nice and genuine. The focus is not on intrusion into peoples homes or in calling the cops. Sure if there are real situations that need immediate attention I will not hesitate to take action, but most people who spank do not fit into this category. Heck most of them are my friends and I love them, dearly.
Being anti spanking not only focused on the negative, but also was militant in ways that are destructive. Sure I am still going to lose friends over my decision to raise my children under grace and not under the punishment paradigm. Whenever you operate under grace on anything people will not understand and may hate you. I understand there are some that think if I do not spank or hit my child I am sending them to hell. But, in order to really challenge someone, action speaks louder than words. Instead of “anti” rhetoric I am shifting to positive speech patterns to help people in their transitions.
I hope to expose common myths about child rearing and give real alternatives. Nothing is locked in stone. Some parents will still spank but do they now see it in different light and are they more careful.
The best way to change a cultural paradigm is to use tactic and not brute force. Should it be illegal to spank your child. I think yes, but do I want most of my friends put in prison and spied on by the government. Of course not. Besides the government puts children in homes that use corporal punishment much more severely. Child protective services uses gestapo methods that are much more frightening than a child getting a spanking.
So it is seems to me that the focus should be on how can we change our world for the better, and how can we bring the message of grace based peaceful parenting to pro-spankers without pushing them away? I propose ditching the anti-spanking label and focusing on loving others who disagree and reaching out to help them. To show them by action and to lead them gently into another world they may have never thought existed. To not be judgmental, but to realize that we are all products of our culture and in order to rise above we must unite.
So does this mean I do affiliate with anti spanking people anymore? Of course not! This means I am trying to bridge a gap. I see things that are just archaic and if the pro peaceful parenting movement is to gain traction, it needs to adopt to the times. The same can be said of the antiwar movements. Sometimes the very energy that is used in opposing something actual helps perpetuate it. Mother Teresa got this when she said, “I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.”
- Study Says Yelling Is As Hurtful as Hitting (utsalumni.org)
- Parental Overload: A Parenting Lesson from the 1980’s. ~ Lynn Shattuck (elephantjournal.com)
- [Aromatherapy] For the Mom! (manymomsonemission.wordpress.com)
- Making a Difference to Children (attachmentparenting.org)